The Baby Doll

Like every parent, I am completely proud of my kids and I think they are the most awesome kids in the world. And yes, like all parents, I'm a bit biased. :-D

Beanie is what I call my little advocate of all that is right and just. She stands up for the underdog and will tell someone when they are wrong. She is also extremely empathetic. She just...feels.

In kindergarten and first grade, she had a friend, Joseph. Joseph was born prematurely and had some pretty serious birth-related injuries that left him reliant on crutches. Actually, Joseph was lucky to be alive. Despite his physical limitations, Joseph is a sweet boy, very loving and funny and a friend that is truer than any I have ever seen. The only problem is that he hadn't had the chance to prove it to his classmates, as nobody wanted to play with Joseph. He spent a lot of his time alone on the playground, with nobody to talk to. Within the first month of her kindergarten year, Beanie had befriended Joseph and found ways to include him in play. They became fast friends, spending nearly every day playing together in the playground. She pushed him on the swings, helped him onto the merry-go-round, even finding ways to have him participate in games the other children were playing, like tag or hide and go seek.

But I digress.

Yesterday was their school's flea market. The kids were given first crack at the toys. Beanie bought items for all of us and was ready to leave the sale when she saw it. "IT" being a doll. This doll was dirty. It wore no pants. It had old rubber bands and sticker bits in its hair. It wasn't a caucasian doll. It was everything that the other kids hadn't wanted. Beanie picked it up and said, "I want to buy this." The ladies behind the table couldn't believe it, asking her if she was absolutely sure she wanted the doll. She said yes.

Her friends teased her. Why would she want such a messed-up doll? It was dirty. It wasn't the right color. It wasn't even completely dressed!

Beanie didn't offer them any excuses. She held that doll securely all the way home and cleaned it up. She washed its shirt and found a pair of pants in her toybox that fit it. She patiently pulled out the broken rubber bands and sticker bits from its hair, then lovingly styled it.

What she found when she was done was a beautiful little baby doll. It just needed some attention, is all.

When I asked her why she chose this doll, she said something that brought a tear to my eye. She said, "I felt bad for her. She was sitting on that table all alone, nobody wanted her. I knew they were going to throw it away when we left. I didn't want that to happen. She just needed someone to take her home and clean her up and love her."

What Beanie has shown me is something that I, sadly, have lost. The ability to see past the surface and straight to the heart. She has shown me time and time again how important it is to look past someone's abilities, or their appearance, and see what they really are inside. Like Joseph. Like her new doll.

I'm proud of Beanie. And that's not just a biased Mom talking.

Another year, another something or other...

Wow, it's hard to believe that it's been a month and a half since I last posted. I have to admit, life has been crazy this past month. Between Beanie's shows, finishing papers for school, spending time with out-of-town family, Christmas (both of them), it's been hard to find five minutes to myself to breathe. But now school is back in for Beanie, mine is going to start again on Tuesday, she's back in theater classes and dance, and things are winding down and settling.

Sigh.....

So, in the interest of new year's resolutions and the like, below is my list of things I will do for MYSELF for a change in 2011.

I promise to:

1. Spend more time reading. I will make a date with myself to do so once a week. And not Spongebob Squarepants books, either. They will be read on the sofa with a cup of tea. And a blanket. If I have to put ear buds in my head and listen to classical music while I'm doing it to block out the din of screaming kids, I will do so. I need the mental break.

2. Get rid of my old, raggedy clothes (work, play, etc.) and beef up my wardrobe with nicer things. Thanks to Tim and Kim, I've got a good start! :-) Buying one pair of $60 work pants per month will NOT break me. And if there is a sale at J. Jill, all the better!!!!!

3. I will start saving again. Not having a nest egg to fall back on is hard for me. I don't like to be helpless if something happens to the house/car/whatever.

4. I will upgrade my phone as soon as Cricket gets the iPhone (apparently, it's coming...)

5. I will finally stick to a diet and lose some weight. Although some of my WONDERFUL friends have said that I'm fine the way I am, I'm not fine with me. Blood pressure slowly rising, family history of diabetes, tired all the time...yeah, it's time.

6. I will spend more time with my brother and his family. We only see each other about 4X per year...it needs to be more. They live only 2 hours away from me, and I can make the trip. It just needs to happen...

7. Because my OCD won't let me have 6 as my last point (needs to be 7, LOL!!!) I will pick one last one... hmmm... OKAY I got it... I will wash my car on a regular basis and not wait for the rain to wash it for me...

Okay, folks. There ya have it. My list of things I'm going to do for myself this year. I'll check back with you in, oh, 11 months to see how I'm doing.

My fingers are crossed that I can actually DO all these things. But you never know...

The "Crazy Cat Lady Story"

By popular demand, I've decided to post "The Tabby on the Corner", a short story I wrote this summer as part of my admission portfolio for grad school. My friend, Stephanie Skinner-Hinton, nicknamed this "the Crazy Cat Lady Story" and it kind of stuck.

This is a true story, something that happened last spring near work in California, PA.

No cats were harmed in the writing of this story.

Enjoy, and feedback is encouraged.

The Tabby on the Corner

I work in higher education, for a university that is finally coming into its own. A beautiful place, really. Centuries-old red brick buildings mark the time while new construction rises to greet the growing freshman classes. It’s peaceful there, with closely manicured lawns, blooming trees and the occasional gray squirrel scurrying around to keep things interesting.

Our administration continually reminds us to practice “town and gown” relations. Basically, how we need to reach out to our neighbors in town to show them that we aren’t so bad, really. So whenever I have the opportunity, I go out of my way to be nice to the residents and show them that we are actually kind of nice. REALLY. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. But you can’t fault me for giving it the “old college try”.

My long morning commute to work is fairly uneventful. A travel mug of coffee and the drone of morning talk radio keep me from spending too much time with my deeper thoughts. My drive is also a time when I mentally run down my list of I-need-this-tomorrow-sorry-I-didn’t-get-this-to-you-sooner items that landed on my desk at 3:30 the day before.

My usual route in the mornings includes a self-imposed detour down side streets in order to avoid the town’s lone traffic light. I have taken this route every morning for the past four years with nothing exceptional to report. Except for one morning. This particular morning was the first day of school for the local children and there was lots of activity. I made my left turn at the bank and traveled on to the corner.

I stopped at the sign and watched as a small black and gray tabby cat sauntered into the intersection. She paused to look at me, sat on the pavement and proceeded to groom herself.

It was 8:05 a.m.. I was officially late for work and still had to find a place to park. I looked around to see if the cat’s owner was around. She was. A small girl my daughter’s age was waiting on the corner for the school bus with her grandmother. They watched with curiosity to see what I would do. Knowing that I would never harm the cat, I rolled down the window.

“PSSSSST!” I said at the cat, which looked up from her grooming with curiosity.

“Oh come on, Kitty, I’m late for work” I said. Kitty didn’t budge. Instead, she began grooming her tail. Sensing the cat wasn’t going to move out of the way, the little girl walked cautiously into the street and scooped it up. She returned to her corner and waved her thanks that I didn’t harm her pet.

The next day I followed my same route with the same mug of coffee and the same talk radio show. I reached the corner and voila, there was Kitty. As I reached the stop sign at the corner, the cat padded out into the middle of the road and sat on the pavement. Just sat. Tail curled around her legs and looking at me as if she expected something.

8:04 a.m.

“Great,” I thought. “Here we go again.”

I smiled amusedly at the grandmother and granddaughter and rolled down the window.

“Stubborn kitty you have there,” I said.

The old woman looked at me with curiosity. “Yeah,” she said. “She follows my granddaughter to the bus stop every morning. Most of the time she stays on the sidewalk until the bus comes. But for some reason she likes to stop your car. She doesn’t do that to anybody else, and a lot of people come this way to The College.”

I looked at the grandmother and thought how remarkably she looked like my very own grandmother. The same small frame, the same silver-black hair and careworn face I remember. My grandmother passed away four months before, so the sudden flash of memory was welcome and soothing. I smiled at her and laughed. The little girl walked into the intersection and retrieved Kitty. I waved and wished them both a good morning and drove off grinning.

Each weekday morning, the scene repeated itself.

Coffee.

Drive.

Radio.

Corner.

Cat.

It was a routine I came to look forward to as I made my way to work.

Soon the temperature began to drop and the first snow fell. On particularly cold and snowy days the little girl’s parents would escort her to the stop instead of her grandmother. They didn’t know about their cat’s strange attraction to my car, so those mornings the mom held the tabby safely in her arms while they waited for the bus. I would fingertip-wave at the girl and she would always smile and fingertip-wave back.

The Christmas holidays approached before anyone really took notice. In preparation for my two-week-long break I came in a bit earlier and left for home a bit later. I missed seeing the grandmother and her granddaughter and thought about them often. I looked for Kitty every morning but she was never there… always heading home as soon as her girl boarded the bus.

December moved into January and school began again for the local children. I made my usual turn at the bank and saw the familiar form of the gray and black tabby scoot quickly into the intersection. I pulled up to the stop sign and Kitty pricked her tail up in an inquisitive question mark. I looked over and saw granddaughter and grandmother there, braced against the cold wind. I wound down my window and made a brief greeting. The grandmother commented on the cold weather and hoped I had enjoyed my Christmas holidays. I wished them both a happy new year as Kitty spotted a stray blowing leaf and took off in chase. I moved through the intersection and off to begin my day at work.

But then, something happened that made everything different. On this particular Wednesday morning I pulled into the intersection to see that Kitty wasn’t there. I looked to my left and saw the little girl holding her. The grandmother waved for me to stop. I did, and wound down my window.

Grandmother walked slowly towards my car, wary of the snow and ice.

“Good morning”, she said in a voice that was cautious, but welcoming.

“Good morning!” I replied.

“I have a gift for you, “ she said. “I hope you like it.”

From her coat pocket Grandmother’s gloved hand retrieved a single item. It was a miniature Pittsburgh Steelers knitted cap with a safety pin on the back. I had a pin very much like this one when I was a child but had lost it somewhere along the years.

“This is for September. Please put it away until then,” she said.

How sweet that Grandmother had taken note of the Steelers logo on the back window of my car.

“Wow!” I said, looking into her hazel eyes. “That’s wonderful! I will definitely wear this! Thank you!”

Grandmother smiled.

“I have something else for you,” she said. “I hope you like angels.”

Out of her other pocket she pulled a small plastic sandwich bag. Inside was the most beautiful crocheted angel pin I’d ever seen. The stitches were so small it gave the appearance that the angel was a solid piece of lacy fabric instead of a long white strand of carefully knotted yarn.

I looked at her with wide eyes as Grandmother continued.

“I have macular degeneration. Had to give up my knitting and crocheting ‘cause I can’t see too well anymore close-up. This is the last of my work. I want you to have it. Something told me that this angel was for you.”

My own grandmother loved angels. She never left the house without an angel pin tacked to her shoulder. The many shelves in her small apartment were lined with angels of all kinds, from wooden to crystal. This gift was more than just a token of thanks for ensuring Kitty’s well being. It was a gift of memories and a reminder that no matter what crossroads you come to in life, there is always something pleasantly unexpected waiting for you at the corner.

I grasped the thin plastic of the bag with my fingers and marveled at the angel’s beauty. There was a small slip of paper inside. A message was written on the paper in an old-fashioned hand. It read:

Hand crocheted angel pin by Marge Hartley.

“You made this?” I whispered.

“I did,” Mrs. Hartley said.

“It’s beautiful,” I said. “My gosh, thank you so much!”

Mrs. Hartley smiled and backed away from my car. She joined her granddaughter and they both smiled and waved. I drove on to work with a tear in my eye.

So on this ordinary morning, standing here on the corner in the snow, was an unexpected messenger. That little angel pin meant more to me than Mrs. Hartley would ever know. It was the embodiment of all the memories of my grandmother. At a time in my life when I was truly at a crossroads, this small handmade token reminded me that no matter what, I was never truly alone. There was always someone to be there for me and to watch out for me. Like my grandmother who I believe still watches over me, so alike the angels she admired in life. Like the people whose smiles and waves I’ve come to depend on to brighten my mornings. Like the tabby on the corner.

It's beginning to look a lot like...

I have made an early New Year's resolution. This year will be the best Christmas ever.

Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I LIVE for Christmas. The lights, the decorations, the presents, the joy of having family and friends around that I don't see that often and the yumminess of delicious food and drinks, all make me so happy. I LOVE Christmas. I do everything for our family's Christmas...cleaning, shopping, cooking, baking cookies with the kids, decorating, photo appointments, etc. And I absolutely ADORE doing it.

That being said, there are certain people in my life who don't.

Sigh.

Those people ALWAYS bring me down. Like a crystal Christmas tree, my spirit is smashed SO quickly and I struggle for most of the season to get it back. Most of the time I don't manage to get it back and fake my way through Christmas for the kids' sake. "Why are you making so many damn cookies? We will never eat all those" (as they walk away with five cookies in their hands). "I hate this F*$king time of the year". "People are A$$holes for doing all this...and for WHAT?" Yeah, it's a joy to try and keep the spirit when people around you are always bringing it down.

This year will be different.

This year, I will be joyful.
This year, I will be happy.
This year, I will keep the spirit throughout the season and really ENJOY it with my kids.
This year, I will do something for someone that I don't know. Just because.
This year, I will be a friend to someone who needs it.
This year, I will remember why it is that we celebrate this holiday.

And if the people around me don't like it, then I'll tie them to a chair and force-feed them eggnog and cookies until they get over themselves. And maybe, just maybe, Scrooge McDuck will actually enjoy themselves for a change. I refuse to let them get to me this year.

Because it's for the kids. And for me.

Painting the Country Red...

As a conservative, I am quite happy about yesterday's election results. HOWEVER I'm a bit concerned about them, as well. The Tea Party really showed itself to be a powerful force on election day. Keep the momentum moving. Don't cave. Don't let the mindless politicians who are completely disconnected from reality take control again. Let people know that there are ways to affect change, and socialism isn't it.

I can totally see the Tea Party becoming a viable third party and putting forth its own candidates in the near future (maybe even the next Presidential election). All I have to say is good job Tea Party guys and gals. Thanks for going out there and protesting when I didn't have the nerve. And thanks for helping to affect real change on this country. There is a swelling of pride in our country thanks to you and I think that things are going to start getting better very soon. Probably not 100% better, but better nonetheless.

Kisses on your heads, Tea Party. Muah. You rock.

Another topic is that of my friend, Melissa Haluszczak. She ran for Congress in Pennsylvania's 14th district. She lost with only 28% of the vote. HOWEVER...she WON 28% of the vote. In a region that is VERY Democratic and VERY liberal. In a completely grassroots campaign with very little funds, Melissa got out there and worked her butt off for every single one of those votes. I'm proud of Melissa, and what she's done. I hope she doesn't give up on a political career in the future.

OH Mannnn...

Okay, so I'm at Mission Day yesterday and my phone rings. It's Beanie's school. I answer and the school secretary says Beanie has a bad stomach ache and she wants to come home. No vomiting or anything like that... Yet.

So I leave Mission Day and hightail it over to pick up my sick baby. She is sad-faced, sitting in the office. I sign her out and we head for the door.

When we get outside, Beanie looks at me and says, "mommy, I have to tell you something." She starts crying. Holy crap, something is REALLY wrong here.

She starts telling me that she saw, posted on her new principal's door, a newspaper clipping of her (principal) being handcuffed and taken away to jail. Beanie continued to tell me (through sobbing tears) that she really didn't have a stomach ache...that she was scared and didn't know what to do, and wanted me to come and take her home where she was safe. She said that her principal was arrested for murdering one of her students at her old school and that she was only in jail for one day. She said that she told her friends at school what she saw and her friends said they were going to call the cops. One friend's dad is a police officer and she said she would tell her dad when she got home.

I looked at her and said, "there's no way..." I grabbed my iPad and Googled my heart out. Nothing. I asked Beanie for more info, and she said that's all there was. That she had been arrested and that the school raised $700 to post bail.

Something smelled fishy.

So I calmed her down best I could and told her that I would call the secretary. I did, and explained to her what was wrong, that Beanie saw something on the principal's door and it scared her. The secretary thought for a minute...

"Oh my goodness..." she said, "the principal did a fundraiser at her old school for MS. They 'arrested' her and the students had to raise money to get her out of 'jail'".

Wow.

So I thanked the secretary, asked her to address this with the other students, and hung up. I then asked Beanie if she read anything else on the clip under the picture. She said just that her principal was arrested for murdering a student (maybe it was funny to her last school, but not to kids that don't know her yet) and that her students raised money to get her out. I explained to Beanie what it was and she just stared at me.

"THAT'S STUPID!!!!! WHY THE HECK WOULD THEY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT???????" she yelled. She's humiliated and was highly embarrassed to go back to school today.

So my baby has now learned a valuable lesson in tainted journalism. And in alternative fundraising.

My birthday

I have to say that this year's birthday was a good one. Shock and awe. Was wished a happy birthday first thing in the morning. That was a great departure from previous years when it was either completely ignored or forgotten. I went to church and our priest led everyone in singing Mnohaya Lita (many happy years) for me AND Happy Birthday. I typically don't like people making a fuss over me too much, so I normally don't say anything about my birthday to anyone at church. Thanks to Facebook, everyone knew and they sang for me. I felt the huge love behind it, so it was worth the tearful moment of embarrassment. LOL! I came home and there was a present for me (first season of True Blood on DVD) and cards and a cake. Dinner was made (frozen pizza, but I am NOT complaining) and the kids fell asleep early. I had the night off! WOW. Aside from a bit of schoolwork, I was a free woman! :-D Oh, and BTW, 57 people wished me happy birthday on FB, which REALLY made my day. :-) And yes, I thanked each and every one of them individually. It meant a lot to me that people took the time to say happy birthday and it is only right for me to say thanks.

So being 39 isn't so bad. I'm going to enjoy this last year of pre-middle-agedness ahead of me before I'm really a grownup at 40. GAH...40. But that's still 362 days in the future and I still have 362 days left to enjoy the last year of my 30s.